A Rant About Pop Music (and my NLCS theory still holds)

Monday night, the Cardinals throttled the Brewers 12-3. Okay, so Albert Pujols had a historic night (4-5, HR, 3 doubles, 5 RBIs, 3 runs), but my theory still held. Here are the stats from the rest of the lineups:

STL: 11-31 (.355), 7 runs, 5 RBIs
MIL: 4-27 (.148), 1 run, 2 RBIs

Not much help for Messrs. Braun and Fielder there. Granted, El Hombre beat the entire team by himself, but - my theory is still credible through 2.

Also, the NBA is not so much shooting itself in the foot as blowing its entire foot off, Tim Tebow is not going to pan out if he keeps completing only 40% of his passes, and I thought Al Davis was older than 82.

But those things aren't what this post is about. No, this post is about pop music and Jack Sparrow.

From Google.com

No, no, not that Jack Sparrow.

THIS Jack Sparrow.




Most likely, The Lonely Island (Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, and Akiva Schaffer) simply intended this song to be a incredibly silly song with the most nonsensical chorus they could think of.  My brother and I, however, one day decided - in the middle of one of our frequent rants about the state of pop music - that there was a possibly deeper interpretation to be found in "Jack Sparrow," intended or not. That interpretation? A scathing critique of the structure of current pop music - specifically the songs of the highly popular "pop rap" (my term for it, think Flo Rida) that feature a different singer on the chorus, or "hook."

Let's be honest. Why was "Airplanes" (B.o.B. feat. Hayley Williams) such a huge hit 2 summers ago? I mean, I'm sure there were people out there that were intrigued by B.o.B.'s rapping - but it owed much of its success to its catchy hook. But what was Hayley Williams actually singing in the chorus?

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars

I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars

I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

And what is B.o.B. rapping about? His desire to go back to the way things were, before he hit it big. Or something to that effect. Okay, fair enough - it's a stretch, but it works. But he blows it by endlessly referring back to the chorus, using either "airplanes" or "wish" 7 times in his 2 verses. It's almost as if he's saying "Wait, don't forget, this song really is about wishes and airplanes." There's an old trope in writing: show, don't tell. B.o.B. is definitely telling here. And it's to the detriment of the song, by drawing further attention to the fact that the verses don't really have much to do with the chorus.

He's actually a great example of what I'm talking about; take, for instance, his hit single with Rivers Cuomo, "Magic." The following is Cuomo's chorus:

I've got the magic in me
Everytime I touch that track it turns into gold
Everybody knows I've got the magic in me
When I hit the floor the girls come snappin' at me
Now everybody wants some presto magic

Magic, magic, magic
Magic, magic, magic
Magic, magic, magic(ahoo)
I've got the magic in me

Aside from being really silly, the chorus is all about how B.o.B. basically rocks at making hit music. So what does B.o.B. rap about? An extended magic metaphor saying how massive his rapping skills are. Again fair enough - the problem here is that the hook feels disjointed from the rest of the song. It just doesn't seem organic to where the song should go. But it's catchy, and that *seemingly* is enough.

Now, these are only two songs, but they're endemic of a larger problem - all you have to do is look at the Billboard Hot 100 any given week for rap/sung collaborations to get an idea. Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes feat. Adam Levine (the verses seem like an afterthought, and essentially exist only to justify the metaphor in the chorus). Lighters by Bad Meets Evil feat. Bruno Mars (not sure what the chorus has to do with anything, least of all the verses). Give Me Everything by Pitbull feat. Ne-Yo/some other people (attempting to redefine the meaning of the word "chorus" by running theirs for 2:15 - in other words, 52.7% of their 4:16 song was given over to the chorus. Pretty sure the verses were NOT what they were concerned about). I could go on and on going back through the months and years, but I'll spare you.

Point is, many popular songs today have hooks that: A) have nothing or very little lyrically to do with the rest of the song, B) are inorganic to the rest of the song, or C) are clearly the focus of the song, reducing the verses to mere excuses for the hook. To some extent, that's why they call it a "hook" - it's supposed to hook people into listening. But not at the expense of the song itself.

I Need A Doctor by Dr. Dre feat. Eminem and Skylar Grey. Love the Way You Lie by Eminem feat. Rihanna. All of the Lights *epilepsy alert* by Kanye West feat. Rihanna/10 other people. These are among the rare songs that manage to have a catchy hook that is organic to the rest of the song, doesn't dominate the song to the extent that the verses feel tacked on, and clearly fits in thematically and lyrically (All of the Lights a little more obliquely than the rest, but trust me, it fits).

So, getting back to Samberg, Michael Bolton, and Co. - what does this have to do with them? Why did my brother and I happen to latch onto that particular theory, that "Jack Sparrow" was not just a silly song, but also a searing criticism of a large swath of pop music? Well, we approached it like this - clearly, the song is catchy. It wouldn't have nearly 50 million views on YouTube if it wasn't catchy. I happen to think it's extremely catchy; my brothers and I would frequently turn it on over the summer. Also clearly, the song is silly. EXTREMELY silly. Consider the juxtaposition: Samberg and his buddies are rapping about rolling up to the club, drinking, and hitting on girls. Then you get Bolton coming in, belting out this massive chorus about Jack Sparrow and Tortuga. You really could not dream up two more dichotomous things than clubbing and Pirates of the Caribbean. And yet...the song works. It works incredibly well. It charted at 69 on the Hot 100, for heaven's sake.

The thought my brother and I had was this - what if Samberg and the guys wrote it that way to prove a point? The point being, of course, that given a catchy hook, it doesn't really matter what the lyrics of the chorus say or how seamlessly it fits into the rest song. If we accept that as The Lonely Island's motive, then it can be construed as a broadside at all the B.o.B's and Pitbull's of the world who throw in a couple of verses as window dressing around a catchy, non-related hook to the tune of millions of dollars. And if that's true - Andy Samberg and his friends are more brilliant than I thought.